Gawk no longer, Fudgington-philes! I, the prolific professor, have created a new molecular marvel to absolutely astound even the most nefarious naysayer.
The idea came to me on one of the many bone rattling, chill-ifying nights spent locked up in a cage of inconvenience in Norway's Phantom Fjords. Many a hardship befell my companions and myself those many odd months spent in involuntary exile and now, returning to Von Fudgington Manor and Industries, I have taken to my laboratories to create a new scientific wonder to cure many of man's ills!
This brand new, Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™ is capable of an extraordinary amount of different and various astounding applications.
Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™, when taken orally, at least 8 (eight) times a day promotes health, wealth and longevity. In fact, it can be said that Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™ is absolutely essential to sustaining a lively lifestyle.
Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™, when combined with Fudgington brand Soapy Suds™, creates a powerful cleaning agent which can be used to sanitize most household surfaces.
Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™, when exposed to temperatures below zero degrees centigrade, hardens into a crystalline structure which can be employed for a myriad of uses including (but not limited to): chilling spirits and liquors, winter-type sporting activities, and longterm food preservation.
Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™, when exposed to temperatures above one-hundred degrees centigrade, vaporizes into a gaseous cloud that can be used for cooking vegetables and propelling all manner of horseless locomotion.
Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™ can snuff out fires.
Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™ is a wonderful habitat for all manner fish, marine mammals, and various other aquatic-type flora and fauna.
Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™ when placed inside a rubber balloon makes for hours of fun for the kiddies.
Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™ promotes a green and hearty lawn and garden.
Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™ has an almost limitless number of applications yet unknown. So, in an act of generosity to mankind, I hereby publish my notes on the proper procedure to produce Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™: Using a Fudgington brand Molecular Combinator™, bond two (2) atoms of "H" hydrogen (atomic # 1) with one (1) atom of "O" oxygen (atomic # 8) in a roughly triangular configuration. Repeat thusly until the desired amount of Fudgington brand Super Sensational Syrup™ is accumulated. (Confused, my little geniuses-in-training? Simply highlight the above blank space to reveal the formula, but first, ensure there are no ragamuffins or roustabouts peaking over your shoulder!)
Keep reaching for the stars,
C.V.F.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
The Search for Mystery: Part IV: Belated Conclusion!
Gasp!
Huff!
Puff!
Huff'n'puff!
Gulp!
Long time no see Fudgington-ites! Sad news from the search for the Norwegian Man-Beast. As you may have noticed, my prolific posting of regular intervals ceased communique some months ago, and for this, I have good reason.
You see, in my attempts to capture the elusive Norwegian Man-Beast, I constructed a trap of ingenious design (see post below). Unfortunately, said trap hinged upon the knowledge theat the elusive Norwegian Man-Beast's favorite savory snack was one wheel of the cheese varietel known as "Jarlsberg". Unbeknownst to yours truly, this same cheesey treat is the favorite savory snack of one Jesper the Gentleman Pirate (who's moniker turned out to be quite the misnomer).
Upon setting the bait, Jesper the Not-so-gentle-man Pirate absconded with said Jarlsberg, pausing only to give the boot to poor Marv L. (the Mechanical Man)'s derrier. Naturally, this set the trap in motion and upon our pursuit of the dastardly villain, we found ourselves caught in the trappings of the trap: a mechanized miracle of unescapable encumbrance.
I must say that we survived many a chilly night caught in our cage, surviving on fjord-flies and Norwegian schnitzel beetles for sustenance. But, finally, after many months, a plan was arrived at:
Firstly: Ernest Hemingway and "Scooter" Steele unscrewed Marv L. (the Mechanical Man)'s mechanical handlebar mustache.
Secondly: With Gin & Tonic siting atop either end of the aforementioned mustache, Seamus McBootstraps began a series of one and two handed exercises with the mustache as a dumbbell.
Thirdly: As the normal rhythms of Seamus' body commenced, his glands began to secrete all manner of personal biological lubricants. Although this is by no means something to shy away from as it is only a matter of human science, I would recommend any of the faint of heart to skip ahead because,
Fourthly: The Contessa and I collected all of Seamus' leaving and used them to lubricate Sir P.J.Q. Poppycock.
Fifthly: Newly slipperified, Sir Poppycock was able to easily pass in between the bars of our cage and, riding upon Mr. Gherkins, was able to escape to safety and afford us rescue!
This adventure of Professor Cornelius Von Fudgington is brought to you by Porker's. Porker's brand Self Butchering Pigs: the Self Butchering Pigs of choice for all manner of selective gourmets. When you want a square meal of pork chops, bacon, pork belly, ham, sausage and other pork by-products, but don't want to deal with some meddling meat monger, reach for a Porker's brand Self Butchering Pig. They cut out themselves so that you can cut out the middleman!
Huff!
Puff!
Huff'n'puff!
Gulp!
Long time no see Fudgington-ites! Sad news from the search for the Norwegian Man-Beast. As you may have noticed, my prolific posting of regular intervals ceased communique some months ago, and for this, I have good reason.
You see, in my attempts to capture the elusive Norwegian Man-Beast, I constructed a trap of ingenious design (see post below). Unfortunately, said trap hinged upon the knowledge theat the elusive Norwegian Man-Beast's favorite savory snack was one wheel of the cheese varietel known as "Jarlsberg". Unbeknownst to yours truly, this same cheesey treat is the favorite savory snack of one Jesper the Gentleman Pirate (who's moniker turned out to be quite the misnomer).
Upon setting the bait, Jesper the Not-so-gentle-man Pirate absconded with said Jarlsberg, pausing only to give the boot to poor Marv L. (the Mechanical Man)'s derrier. Naturally, this set the trap in motion and upon our pursuit of the dastardly villain, we found ourselves caught in the trappings of the trap: a mechanized miracle of unescapable encumbrance.
I must say that we survived many a chilly night caught in our cage, surviving on fjord-flies and Norwegian schnitzel beetles for sustenance. But, finally, after many months, a plan was arrived at:
Firstly: Ernest Hemingway and "Scooter" Steele unscrewed Marv L. (the Mechanical Man)'s mechanical handlebar mustache.
Secondly: With Gin & Tonic siting atop either end of the aforementioned mustache, Seamus McBootstraps began a series of one and two handed exercises with the mustache as a dumbbell.
Thirdly: As the normal rhythms of Seamus' body commenced, his glands began to secrete all manner of personal biological lubricants. Although this is by no means something to shy away from as it is only a matter of human science, I would recommend any of the faint of heart to skip ahead because,
Fourthly: The Contessa and I collected all of Seamus' leaving and used them to lubricate Sir P.J.Q. Poppycock.
Fifthly: Newly slipperified, Sir Poppycock was able to easily pass in between the bars of our cage and, riding upon Mr. Gherkins, was able to escape to safety and afford us rescue!
This adventure of Professor Cornelius Von Fudgington is brought to you by Porker's. Porker's brand Self Butchering Pigs: the Self Butchering Pigs of choice for all manner of selective gourmets. When you want a square meal of pork chops, bacon, pork belly, ham, sausage and other pork by-products, but don't want to deal with some meddling meat monger, reach for a Porker's brand Self Butchering Pig. They cut out themselves so that you can cut out the middleman!
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